Perils of assimilation

If only life came with subtitles.

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Forward from my dad

Just to mock da minnysotans, eh.


ANNOUNCEMENT: VE ARE PLEASED TO ANNOUNCE LUTRAN AIR IS NOW
OPERATING FROM DULUTH AIRPORT. YA SHURE, YA BETCHA! DIS IS DA
LATEST AIR SERVICE TO SPROUT UP IN MINNYSOTA. ALSO SERVING
VISCONSIN, NORT
AND SOUT DAKOTA.

If you are travelin soon, consider Lutran Air, da no-frills airline. You're all in da same boat on Lutran Air, where flyin
is a upliftin experience. Dere is no first class on any Lutran Air flight.

Meals are potluck. Rows 1-6, bring rolls; 7-15, bring a salad; 16-21, hot dish, and 22-30, a dessert.

Basses and tenors please sit in da rear of da aircraft. Everyone is responsible for his or her own baggage.

All fares are by free will-offereing and da plane will not land 'til da budget is met.

Pay attention now to your flight attendant, who will acquaint you wit da safety system aboard dis Lutran Air 599.

"Okay den, listen up you guys. I'm only gonna say dis vonce. In da event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, I am frankly going
to be real surprised and so vill Captain Olson, because we fly right around two tousand feet, so loss of cabin pressure would
probably mean da Second Coming or something of dat nature, and I vouldn't bodar with doze liddle masks on da rubber tubes. You're
gonna have bigger tings to vorry about den dat. Yust stuff doze back up in dair little holes.
Probably da masks fell out because of turbulence which, to be honest wit you, we're going to have quite a bit of at two tousand
feet, sort a like driving across a plowed field, but after a while you get used to it.

In da event of a water landing, I'd say forget it. Start saying da Lord's Prayer and yust hope you get to da part about forgive
us our sins as we forgive doze who sin against us, which some people say "trespass against us," which isn't right, but vut can
you do?

Da use of cell phones on da plane is stri ctly forbidden, not because day may confuse da plane's navigation system, which is
seat of da pants all da way. No, it's because cell phones are a pain in da wazoo, and if God meant you to use a cell phone, He
vould have put your mout on da side of your head.


Ve start lunch right about noon and it's buffet style wit da coffee pot up front . Den ve'll have da hymn sing; hymnals are
in da seat pocket in front of you. Don't take yours wit you when you go I am going to be real upset and I am not kiddin!

Right now I'll say Grace.
Come, Lord Jesus, be our guest
and let deze gifts to us be blessed.
Fadar, Son, and Holy Ghost,
may we land in Dulut or pretty close. Amen!"

Freethought Society

I enjoy very much going to meetings, but I have encountered one large problem: I never talk. One on One, or in a very small group, I just don't shut up, but I feel so daunted during meetings that I never speak my mind. I encounted the same problem today at the WAGE Center post- Vag-logues discussion. I wanted so much to tell them how much the Vag-logues related to my life. But I don't want questions nor pity, so I keep to myself.

I love going to Freethought Society meetings but I don't ever speak up, mainly because I know I'll get ripped apart by Dr. Smith, or be totally ignored as the meeting turns into the Drs. Smith and Whitfield Show. So here I go, I'll try to write down what gets stuck in my throat.

Lately, I’ve been questioning my lack of faith. I have claimed myself as an atheist for many years. But I think that title isn’t quite correct. I do not believe in a higher power, but I do believe that there is god in everything.

The trouble lies, I think, in the word god, It is too ambiguous.

I don’t believe in any creation myths and am a firm believer in evolution. God is seen in many cultures as an omnipresent, omnipotent being just and holy. I can’t bring myself to believe that. I do not believe in a pantheon, which is a tad more believable. I do not follow a faith without a god, such as Buddhism.

I think my belief system is closer to Buddhism and Hinduism than anything else. I am a product of a Catholic and a Buddhist. My father had many religious texts lying about and encouraged us to pick what we thought was right, even though my mother desperately wanted us to be Christian.

I find god in many things. Rain, Snow, wind, night, light, words, art, the divinity of humanity. I see the world as Indra’s web, a shimmering line extending from one jewel to the next binding us all in interconnectedness. Indra’s net is a web of strands that extend in every direction in space and time. At each intersection there is a jewel, which reflects the entire web ad infinitum. We are all connected to one another, and our souls are reflections of each other. We are bound and liberated by the infinite love we are all capable of. How do I know this? I don’t. It is one of those 'faith' things. I feel it in the world. I feel it.

Sorry, Jake

You probably didn't want many people reading these. But you're a good writer, so I'm going to link your blogs to mine.

http://catharsiswithin.blogspot.com/
http://reachingmoon.blogspot.com/

I thought your name was a pseudonym when I first saw it in the Flipside. Come on, Jake Russo the Philosophy major? It's just too damn similar to (Jean-) Jaques Rousseau. It's still pretty damn cool they're so similar.

Enjoy, dear readers.

Arg

Math class didn't last for more than ten minutes today. Why do I show up?

I was told that I speak with a new jersey accent today. weird. I've lived in Wisconsin all my life. Perhaps I'm pushing an accent to distinguish myself from those with Minnesotan accents. Or I speak with so many accents so often, they're all vying for preference.

I would like to take this moment to profess my love, once again, for Wilco.

I'm going to skip the first hour of English tomorrow to attend Dr. Mitra Sadeghpour's talk on Henry VIII (the play). For Women's Herstory Month, Dr. Teresa Kemp is giving four talks about the women in Shakespeare's plays and I'm very excited to attend. I think I may also go to Star Parker's talk on poverty tomorrow night, if I can scrape up enough for a ticket. I also want to see the chisese art exhibit before it's gone. I missed the last exhibit at the Foster gallery and I was pissed.

Sunday, February 25, 2007

I've got serious problems

Why is it that spaghetti freaks me out, and yet I can eat ramen?

Birthday Update

THANK YOU!! I've never had anybody make a big deal about my birthday before.
Yesterday was great. I had Chinese food for breakfast, and I picked up some groceries on the Grand Shopping Excursion.

After The Vagina Monologues, Lucy, Chris, and I walked to his apt. on Chippewa St. where, comme d'habitude, there was a poker game to be had. Jessie had bought some Malibu for us, and I decided that I could play last night. I doubled up a few times during Black Mariah, Getting pocket aces twice. Lost most of it through many an instance where my straight was beaten by a higher straight.

I think it's my birthcontrol that has prevented me from drinking as much as I used to. I puked while drinking, something that's never happened before. And puked a few times in the morning. I know it sounds weird, but that was possibly the most pleasant purge I've ever had. I had enough water in my system that I didn't feel dehydrated and I'm so glad that I crashed on the couch at Dave's. Better ten steps to the bathroom than fifty. That couch has been very kind to me this year, I'm glad Chris is letting us take it for our house.

Victoria called me this morning to wish me a happy birthday as did Amber. And total surprise: Lila called. I havent spoken to her since December, This is my first birthday in 12 years that she hasn't been there. Hopefully she will come visit me at Eau Claire, or I will go and visit her at Shimer during my spring break. I got to just chll in my room for a while, and though it sounds really boring, It was quite nice. My roommate got me a present, actually. Post-its, Chocolate and a Photo album. Now I have to start taking more photos, :)

Soon My future Roommates and I will have some cake (I should probably tidy up my room a little, and put on real clothes) and go see Little Miss Sunshine at Davies Theatre.

One more bit of proof of my weirdness: Everytime I was on stage during VM, I wanted to eat the microphone. I just wanted to crunch into it, like a big chocolate bar. Why?

Friday, February 23, 2007

Being backstage at the Vagina Monologues sucks. Everyone's so unprofessional, talking as loud as they want. If I could I would go Stage Manager on their asses, and threaten to cut out their ovaries if I heard so much as one unnescesary peep. I didn't tolerate any silliness when I ran the ETHS backstage.

I'm really missing the old theatre crowd right now. They knew their shit. Not that we didn't have our fun, of course, there's certainly a reason we called one of the couches the fucking couch (children were conceived upon it). It would help if we had a proper greenroom instead of a hallway directly backstage where all our voices carry. People don't get that this is business.

I wish I would get paid for a role once in a while. For breakfast I had water and for lunch I ate a granola bar. I don't think I'll go to El Patio tonight, I can't afford it. I have one extra meal now because Amber lent me her blugold for the weekend. I should save that for Saturday, and eat cereal tonight. I bought some milk with my last mealplan. I wish I wasn't so dependant on the damn mealplan. I want a kitchen so I can do some genuine cooking.

Thursday, February 22, 2007

b.l.ip

Bored. Lonely. In pain. Oh yeah--PAIN. WTF? My tits should not hurt this much. I can hardly lift my arms without crazy amounts of pain. Behave, body!

I miss myself. I miss who I was, the brash angry bitch with an acid tongue. Where did I go? I am slacking, sighing, and bored with this life. But I feel so obligated to do shit that I can't just disappear. I don't have the cash for a disappearing act. I just want to hop on a bus to Chicago and see Lila. I miss her like crazy. She's the one person who always makes me feel like myself again.

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Not entirely sober, but quickly losing my buzz. Fun day, today. Skipped out of Math and played in the park with Dakota. Puddle-jumped and squirrel-chased. Poker was small but good. Question: what shall I do tomorrow? something fun, as soon as I come up w/ it.

Hug a tree. They give nice hugs.

Update: Last night I ran all the way up to the top of Towers. Don't know why.

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Pink

I have a mixed attitude towards pink.

It's a nice color and all, but I hate the connotations that come with it. Girlishness, weakness, cloying sweetness.

Pink reminds me of Barbies. Barbies are the most depressing toy next to baby dolls. I refer you all to Susan Ciseneros' "Barbie-Q." They are totally disproportionate, and when one plays with them, the scenarios are always centered an vacuous, vapid activities like shopping, parties, and fighting over men.

I never embraced the Barbie Ideal. I generally like my body and have never bothered with dieting. I'm 18, for Shiva's sake, why shouldn't I enjoy eating what I want?! I hate shopping with a passion, and though I do like to party on occasion, It isn't my life. And fighting over men? What the fuck? This gives women a skewed view of relationships, like the acceptibility to use men and vice versa.

And why is the ugliest shade of pink used for the breast cancer awareness ribbon? Good cause, but couldn't you find a nicer shade of pink?

And why can't we use a nice green shade to represent women? Why are we always assigned pink? what moron came up with that?

I'm not sure wearing pink is the best choice for the Vag-logues. Aren't stereotypes what we are trying disspell? I'm also a little shaky on why "dressing up" is based in appearing sexy. I would rather dress and look like myself, I don't find wearing someone else's low cut clothes very empowering.

But I'm in a whiny mood.

Monday, February 19, 2007

Kicked Out of Math

I'm pretty sure I was just kicked out of my math class. I was reading the Marie De France text during the fist 25 minutes, which he always wastes, and then he told us to go do group work. I hate group work. I find it ineffective and slow, even when applied to an English class. I said so in class and so he looked at me and said "you know, attendance doesn't count for you, you can leave if you want." So I did. I only showed up today to collect my quiz.

Listening to Flaming Lips' Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots. Good stuff. At War with the Mystics is still my favorite. Now I've got to get ready for VM rehearsal tonight.

Sunday, February 18, 2007

On Vibrators-- or, Anne May Just Kill Me

So Anne has finally bought herself a vibrator. It wasn't her own idea, it was her boyfriend's. What is it about guys wanting women to have vibrators? Quite a few of my friends are rather perplexed that their boyfriends or even just a friend have pressured them to get one. Hell, I've been pressured to get one. What's the deal guys?

But anyhow this story is about Anne. We perused the selection in Spencer's for quite a while, until she, Beth, and Cassie had picked one out. Anne started freaking out, and was fainting as she was paying for it.

Why? WHY?

It seems she hates her vagina. This is so hard for me to comprehend. She finds it ugly and has major problems with looking at it. I know that some gay men believe that vaginas have teeth, so maybe she thinks that too? I also don't understand people who have a problem with masturbation. It is my belief that only dumb women haven't fiured out how to masturbate. Anne, you must learn to love your body.

Back in the Victorian Era (possibly the most sexually repressed era ever) doctors claimed that a quarter of all women suffered from "hysteria" (A word derived from the greek 'hystera' meaning uterus), for which the only cure was marriage or sex if already married. Hysteria included fainting, nervousness, PMS, and the "tendancy to cause trouble" (Wiki). And so the first electric vibrator was made in the 1880's to cure this hysteria.

What is even funnier is that the sale of vibrators is forbidden in Georgia, Alabama, Mississippi, Texas, Louisiana, Indiana, Virginia, and the one that totally shocked me--Massachusetts.

Saturday, February 17, 2007

If I want tequila, I now have to suck it out of my shirt.

Quick recap of my weekend:
-Beth (Auntie Moneybags) is visiting from the cities. She arrived on time (We went into major shock because of this).
-Rocky Horror. Lucy was deflowered (She was a RHPS virgin)
-Panic attack in the restaurant. I was rescued by my friends who promptly sent the pasta back to the kitchen. I have the weirdest phobia ever.
-Movies and Margaritas. Spilt tequila on my stomach. I smell fabulous.
-Anne's dyed hair.
-Broke-ness. Damn.
-Making the sick boyfriend buy us alcohol. We're so nice.

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Singles' Awareness Day

So it's St. Valentine's day yet again. This day was named after St. Valentine who was killed for performing christian marriges. (I have to say, marriage is one of those things that completely freak me out. Commitment in general freaks me out. I had a mini-panic attack after I signed my lease, because it meant that I had to stick with something for a year.)

Yeah, this day is commenorate death, people. A time to give ugly little hearts and valentines to people just because you feel obligated. Or if you're a memeber of the College Feminists, a time to hand out valentines stuffed with condoms, which was a shitload of fun, by the way.

This disgusting little holiday does not celebrate love, but serves to alienate anyone who doesn't have a significant other at this point in time.

Well guess what, bitches, it didn't work.

Haha, I am quite pleased being single, and I certainly prefer it that way. I don't want flowers because I hate waiting for them to die, I find cards annoying, I don't want presents from anyone. Chocolates, however, are accepted on any occasion. I don't want anything for my birthday (except booze...and if anyone wants to get me papertowels or cans of soup, I'm rather lacking in the grocery dpt).

But back to my Valentine's day bitching: I had a totally hot date tonight. And by hot date, I mean that Amber and I went to Acoustic Cafe.

Snapshots of tonight(at Dave's):

"I'm going to name each and every one of my ulcers after you"
"I'm anti-ovulation"
"The Chippewa River is made of vomit and piss"
"I wish cancer upon you"
"if x is greater or equal to n minus 1..." (I tuned the rest of that conversation out.)

Comments:
Dave: congrats on cleaning these guys out, but would it kill you to relax a little?
Mack: you speak too loud, and weird is who we are, please learn to deal with that and take your homophobia elsewhere.
Spacecadet 1&2(aka Kelly): pay attention, and don't fold suited connectors.
Jessie: you're perfect, don't ever change.
Doug: shut the fuck up once in a while. Actually, just shut the fuck up.

Well, I'm getting kinda bitchy, which likely means that my caffeine rush is wearing off. I don't have to do anything until 3 tomorrow, sadly I do have to show up to Math tomorrow, but after that I'll probably only turn up to 75% of classes a week. I'm utterly sick of wasting time doing jack shit and then doing group work. I hate group work, even if it's my favorite class(i.e. English).

I desperately need to do laudry. So if you see me and I have not done it tomorrow, I want someone to smack me upside the head.

ok,here's the plan: get up 9, 10ish and start my laundry. Finish my French assignment during this. Complete Math assignments during this. Do English reading without falling asleep. Skim over 'Everyman' again. Go to class. Go to rehearsal.

And I think that is all I shall write in this, my glorified diary, tonight. Good night and Good luck.

P.S. Happy Birthday, Jeffy-poo.

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Jeff Buckley

Oh, how I love Buckley Jr. His voice is pure, and he can hit higher notes(sans falsetto) than I can. He whispers and wails, and I don't know exactly what it is about his music that always seems to heal me. It's passionate and unforgiving. It's what I listen to when I'm depressed. I first heard this album when I was younger and thought nothing of it. But then this year, I started listening to it on a loop during one of my bouts of depression. It was rainy, and that rain absolved me of my sorrow. Had a troubling conversation with L. today, still feeling troubled. Just knowing he's on the other end of the phone calms me down immensely.

I don't particularly want to do any homework, and it's too cold to take a walk. I'm thinking of just readiing for a while and letting J.B.'s voice soothe me. Ems is back from work. I don't particulary like hanging about the room with her here. I think it's because we operate on totally different wavelengths, though we're both relatively private people. I reserve many things from certain people, I generally only confide in one person who can best help me with the situation, and I leave others in the dark. I never liked sharing my sacred space with my sister, and certainly not with someone I hardly speak to. I like Emily, I just don't like living with her. Next year will be much better with roommates I actually like.

Sunday, February 11, 2007

What am I doing here?

I'm not getting anywhere here, in regards to Theatre. I'm reading chapters on medieval theatre, instead of getting real training. RobbieT went to the Wisconsin Theatre Aduditions in Madison a few weeks ago, and he's gotten 7 PROFESSIONAL CALLBACKS. 7! The most I can get around here are six little lines. I won't be able to snag a part until I'm on Dr. Allen's good side. I didn't exactly start off in his good graces, considering he's my actual advisor in the whole advising debacle. And now I'm always late to his class, because Prof. Miller never lets us go on time. I can't get to Haas in less than five minutes. What's even more depressing than this whole thing is when I remember that Phil (of the infamous DeebnPhul) has a theatre degree and he's the worst actor I've ever seen. Kindergarteners overshadow him in terms of talent. So what the fuck am I doing? Hufford got the lead in the musical at Carroll his freshman year, and Jason's gotten sizable parts in Chicago and My First Love. Where did all my talent go? all my luck? Auditions were my favorite part because I always kicked ass, and now I dread them. The most acting I'll get to do for a long time is whatever DeebnPhul decide to give me in Lysistrata. Auditions for Betrayal are coming up soon, I should at least give it a shot, even though I know the roles will go to the most expirienced actors. Freshman don't get parts.

Thursday, February 08, 2007

I'm obsessed

...with finding the perfect sandwich. no joke. The best sandwich in the world so far is the Eggplant Sandwich from Kona Cafe. It has fried eggplant, fresh mozzerella, basil, tomato, red onion, roasted red pepper, and garlic mayo. It is amazing, a party in your mouth and totally worth driving four hours from Eau Claire to get. And now I'm going to blog about the sandwich I had today. It was swiss on sourdough with olive oil and green olives. I'm a big fan of swiss cheese, but green olives make me run away screaming. But this was a fairly decent sandwich. A little salty but good. Lucy told me about a sandwich she had in Stillwater. It was chicken salad on wheat toast with a slice of pinapple on top. bizarre, no? but it could be one of those things like Hawaiian pizza, that sound gross in theory, but taste amazing. yeah, I've got food on the brain. My birth control makes me insanely hungry all the time.

Why do I bother?

Why do I bother to show up to math class? Bloss never teaches us anything. He's a great guy and all, but it seems kind of pointess to me. I could have taken another English class instead of this. grr.

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

Coffeeeeeee

Well, I'm back from my usual Tuesday morning coffee with Victoria. She paid for me, in exchange for the alcohol I gave her last night. Sadly, we're down to about two shots in the whole bottle, made even sadder due to the deliciousness of it with lemonade. Damn mine and Jessie's generousity. Oh well, Doug's offered to pay for next weekend's worth. (Note to my brother if he decides to read my blog anytime soon: Yes, I drink. Get over it, you prude.)

But this post is supposed to be about coffee.

I love hanging out with her, she always has an amazing story to tell. I find it very hard to beleive she's done everything she says she has, but They're great stories and I really have no reason to doubt her, besides her age. It's comforting to know she's been through some of the same shit I have. We usually spend a good 4 hours in the coffeeshop, almost as much as when Lucy and I get coffee together. We played two games of chess, the first game I annihilated her, the second she annihilated me. Mutual annihilation? like mutual masturbation? Transformation masturbation transfermasturbation.*

I have to come up with a presentation for my English class about l'Ecriture Feminine. I'll do that after math class, which is swiftly approaching. I skipped class yesterday, so I'm likely rather far behind.


*Credit for that line goes to Luc.

Sunday, February 04, 2007

David's Bad Idea #1667

Sunday is normally the day I set aside for homework, but today boredom took over. So I called ADD boy up, to see if he was up to anything interesting. He suggested Ice Skating.

This was a bad idea.

First of all, I can't skate. I haven't gone skating in well over 8 years. Second, it was -5 degrees out, -30 with windchill. On a frozen lake with no tree cover. Now, my normal way of skating is that I skate along the wall or whatever until I've remembered how to skate, and I use it for stopping. I assume this is also Sir Kulp's way of skating, judging from his scuffle with a wall while ice skating (Poor fellow has a scar on his cheek and had a black eye). Alas, there was no wall for me to hug on this adventure. I could barely stand, while David skated circles around me. Luckily, the subzero tempuratures forced us to retreat.

And now, on our way to the BBC, his car has run out of gas 2 blocks from his apartment. I am typing this from his computer, as he and Creepy Kyle have gone to get some gas.

I talked to the paternal unit earlier, discussed the faucet in my future house, and have been commanded to send him pictures of the place. Thankfully, Lucy took some.

Another music post (sort of)

I don't know why I haven't listened to Placebo in such a long time. The guitars are perfectly layered, the vocals fragile. I like "Without You I'm Nothing" better than "Placebo" and "Black Market Music," and I have yet to hear their later two albums. It suits my melancholy mood well.

We signed the lease on the apartment we wanted. I told my dad first, so he could soften mother up before I speak to her. Ok, so I wimped out. I'm ok with that. When Lucy got the call back from our landlord, we freaked out jumping all over each other, trying to be as silent as we could. Amber, Anne, and I piled on one another, shaking with excitement. Lucy arranged a meeting to sign the lease. It amazes me that we didn't have to bother with applications or anything. Oh well, Eliot and Victoria don't even have a lease, their landlady believes that a man's word is good as gold. It'll give Marc, Adam and I another reason to go on Goodwill adventures. I want to move into my new place right away, not 4-5 months from now.

Friday, February 02, 2007

One m short of Llama

We (Anne, Amber, Lucy and myself) swore to ourselves that we would look at every apartment, every option.

And then we visited the first one.

Holy shit. I want that place. It's $220/month, new washer and dryer, really nice bedrooms, a decent sized bathroom (considering we're all girls), $150 security deposit, a super nice landlord, and quiet nieghbors. It's not by the bars, and there's a bus stop a block away.

We've grown rather attached to that place in a very short time. We've even chosen rooms already. Lucy and Anne get the two upstairs rooms, Amber gets the one past the kitchen, and I get the yellow room adjacent to the living room. I hate yellow, and will likely be painting over it. We've started coming up with house rules (mostly for Amber's protection from us three wild and crazy liberals), and also figuring out what we'll need. Luckily, Chris is supplying us couches.

Poor Amber, We're going to be hell in a handbasket. We're not too keen on her having her bible study over, and she loves to play hostess. She's politically a moderate, but her values are certainly conservative. She's No-Sex-Until-Marriage, and the rest of us are We-Can-And-Will. haha...and one of us is a screamer, too. If we end up going with another place, I am sure one will arrange to walk through the Bible study session saying "Excuse me, but I'm late for my abortion." or to have loud sex in the next room. I'm so awful.

The second apartment we saw was unimpressive. One bedroom was in front of the door, the other was tiny, the porch was ghetto, rent was higher, the landlord seems like a dumbass. But the living room was huge, probably the only plus. I gave it a C-, Anne a D.

I don't care to see the next two apartments tomorrow, I want to call the first landlord up and tell him we'll take it.


And now onto my regular bitching:

No Emily this weekend! Score!

Period, yuck. And therefore no hanky-panky in my roommate-less room.

I can't afford my birth control for this month. I need to get it by tuesday, which doesn't look like it'll happen. I may have to get creative.

I can't afford jack-shit. No poker, no booze, no unnecessary coffees, no books, no much-needed sweatshirt (It is below zero for the highs this week), no laundry. At least I stocked up on food before I paid for books. It'll be better later this month when I can deposit my check, but until then I'm gonna be a weasel (and I learned from the best).

I haven't paid my semester bill yet, and don't have the money to. It would be awesome if my parents would pick up the tab like they do for my brother, but right now it looks like I'm paying my entire way through college.

I keep wanting to call L. but I don't feel entirely comfortable calling him at his dorm number. I do want to speak with him however. Perhaps I should just bite the bullet.

Am I gonna end up being the Masculine One (the Miranda) at our place? I took a shop class and can build/fix things, and Anne and Amber cuddle with me like I'm their boyfriend. I will not be the replacement for Steve/Chris. I am a fucking lady, get the fuck over it.

My indifference astounds me. Have I been so hurt in the past that I simply shut off all affection? Don't get me wrong, I'm very happy being single, but I can't reciprocate any affection shown towards me. That kind of freaks me out. I don't know myself anymore.

I'm steeling myself for the hell that is my mother's wrath. Crazy woman + Equally Crazy Daughter= ???

Eau Claire has two of the things I most detest: Cold and Stairs. And yuppies. ok, that's three things.

What to do tomorrow night? I'm not sure, but I know I don't want (and shouldn't) be alone.

And that's the news from Lizland.

Thursday, February 01, 2007

My vagina wears fishnet stockings

I got a small part in the Vagina Monologues. I have six lines, but it'll look good on my curriculum vitae. It'll be a light rehearsal schedule, only three weeks long. I had thought that I bombed my audition because they cut me off in the middle of my monologue. Over one hundred people auditioned, and 60 got a part. The first rehearsal is Saturday afternoon. I may have broken my Eau Claire audition curse.

In other news, I might be getting an apartment with Lucy, Anne, and Amber. We have an appt. to see one tomorrow afternoon and another on Wed. I'm excited. I love those girls, and living with them will be awesome. I have a few concerns however: Amber having her bible study there every night, affording the rent, and telling my parents about it.

I know Amber is super involved with the Navigators, one of the many Christian organizations on campus, and has been talking about how she could host bible study at our potential apartment. I'm an atheist, and I typically have to argue my stance every single time someone asks about my religious views.

Luckily, though Amber herself doesn't drink, she's ok with the rest of us having alcohol. I could see her becoming a Daiquiri girl, however.

I am poor as fuck, and I have no job. I realize this is no one's fault but my own. Earning a decent amount will be important to keep up with rent. None of the places we're looking at cost more than $275 a month. I know that all places around here are shitty, so I'm not expecting much. I think Dave and Chris's place is about par, and I don't mind it at all. That place feels like a home. Also, we'll be getting Chris's furniture, so we're all set for couches.

And now my biggest concern: telling my parents. I know my dad will be cool with it, he always supports me for everything. The problem is telling mom. She doesn't even know yet that I'm not transferring to Milwaukee, and that I've cancelled my application for UW-M. She has been pushing me to move, for reasons that aren't quite clear to me. She may not speak to me for a while once I tell her about maybe getting a place here for next year.

Another bit of news: I might be going to D.C. over spring break with Lila and Dara for a protest. It sounds like a lot of fun, and I really hope it'll work out.

Last night I realized that I don't believe people when they say they love me. It's such an over used phrase, you never know if they truly mean it or not. I beleive that people love me through their deeds and the way they look at me.

I have a math quiz this afternoon for which I have not studied. At all.