Perils of assimilation

If only life came with subtitles.

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Freethought Society

I enjoy very much going to meetings, but I have encountered one large problem: I never talk. One on One, or in a very small group, I just don't shut up, but I feel so daunted during meetings that I never speak my mind. I encounted the same problem today at the WAGE Center post- Vag-logues discussion. I wanted so much to tell them how much the Vag-logues related to my life. But I don't want questions nor pity, so I keep to myself.

I love going to Freethought Society meetings but I don't ever speak up, mainly because I know I'll get ripped apart by Dr. Smith, or be totally ignored as the meeting turns into the Drs. Smith and Whitfield Show. So here I go, I'll try to write down what gets stuck in my throat.

Lately, I’ve been questioning my lack of faith. I have claimed myself as an atheist for many years. But I think that title isn’t quite correct. I do not believe in a higher power, but I do believe that there is god in everything.

The trouble lies, I think, in the word god, It is too ambiguous.

I don’t believe in any creation myths and am a firm believer in evolution. God is seen in many cultures as an omnipresent, omnipotent being just and holy. I can’t bring myself to believe that. I do not believe in a pantheon, which is a tad more believable. I do not follow a faith without a god, such as Buddhism.

I think my belief system is closer to Buddhism and Hinduism than anything else. I am a product of a Catholic and a Buddhist. My father had many religious texts lying about and encouraged us to pick what we thought was right, even though my mother desperately wanted us to be Christian.

I find god in many things. Rain, Snow, wind, night, light, words, art, the divinity of humanity. I see the world as Indra’s web, a shimmering line extending from one jewel to the next binding us all in interconnectedness. Indra’s net is a web of strands that extend in every direction in space and time. At each intersection there is a jewel, which reflects the entire web ad infinitum. We are all connected to one another, and our souls are reflections of each other. We are bound and liberated by the infinite love we are all capable of. How do I know this? I don’t. It is one of those 'faith' things. I feel it in the world. I feel it.


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