Perils of assimilation

If only life came with subtitles.

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Country Music Causes Cancer

I cannot allow this to go on.

I could stand the emo for the most part (because I could play my music much louder), and I actually liked some of the hip-hop. But this has gone on long enough.

I'm putting my foot down: NO MORE COUNTRY MUSIC!!

That's all Emily has played for nearly a month. One infernal whiny song after another about the girl who broke your heart, or herding fucking cattle, or being a small-town girl. again. and again. and again. I feel a tumor growing in my brain from all this bad music.

I would like to alert the public to new research done by a UWEC undergrad:


avoid the twangy guitars at all costs, do not be tempted by that jaunty cowboy hat some dumbass is wearing. no, sir, Those CDs are meant for laying down and avoiding. Continuous listening of this "music" will result in brain cancer, with 1% chance of survival. My apologies to you fuckers with the bad judgement to volentarily listen to this, and I empathize with any second-hand country listeners out there. There is a way to prevent this, however. By playing good music really loudly and pointing the speakers directly toward the source of the cancerous noise, one can combat second-hand country. remember, we all have to band together to bring attention to the cause of one of the most deadly types of brain cancer. Listen Safe.

This has been a Public Service Announcement.
Now go to bed, motherfuckers.


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