I sit and wait for an epiphany, just one modicum of clarity. It doesn't come. I am looking for a little direction, a little advice.

I don't even want to go to Eau Claire this year, but there is no way I can pay off my loans if I drop out. I won't be returning to East Troy, it is the loneliest place I know. I don't think transferring elsewhere will make a difference, because it will bring another bundle of dissatisfaction and frustration. In order to qualify for any study abroad programs, I need to have a 4.0 this semester, which, for me, is impossible. I don't see why I have to be defined by a degree. I hate all the fucking hoops I have to jump through.

It has been a fond wish of mine to disappear, to be in a constant state of departure. But, problems don't ever leave with a change of scenery. There is no escape, is there? I don't want to be tied down by any rules, people and things, but that's how it is.